Still blissin’ from last nights amazing cardio-full buti! The sweat was baptismal!

I keep thinking about what went through my brain as we lay in savasana:

“The Only Pressure That Matters, Is The One I Put On Myself.”

I am so often bogged down by outside pressures and influences.  So much so, that sometimes I forget they are outside pressures and I mask them into my own intention.  It is difficult to know the difference. The last couple days have been internally difficult for me. I’m vacillating between a lot of feelings, pulls and tugs, and general indecision that has led me to less sleep, more anger and a dark malaise that is unbecoming- and also completely out of character for me.  I’ve been hard on myself because of it.  Taking on the pressures of the people around me and internalizing it as my own pressure and stress.

I don’t have to feel this way.  I shouldn’t feel this way.  I’m not going to feel this way.

Laying in savasana, my sweat pouring like wellsprings of rivers, the burning in my eyes as the salty sweat mixed with my tears, I had to remind myself:

“The Only Pressure That Matters, Is The One I Put On Myself.” 

I owe no one my energy, my time, my life.  I owe nothing my focus, my emotions, my purpose- except what I CHOOSE to give.  These are choices.  So often they feel unavoidable.  Too often it feels inconsiderate to put myself first.  Too often it feels selfish, self-serving, egotistical to listen, truly listen, to myself.  What is that ego saying?  What are her needs?  Why is she so angry?  So hurt? So scared? So hateful? What am I denying her that makes her lash out in tirades against me? How can I listen to her with compassion and step through to companionship with her?

“The Only Pressure That Matters, Is The One I Put On Myself.”

This journey is about self-forgiveness.  Self-Love.  Self-Listening.  Self-Acknowledgement.  Self-Respect. Self-Awareness. Self on Self Action.

The only pressure on me, is to love myself unconditionally.  The rest is background noise.

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