My 101st Blog.
Who knew that I had one hundred and one ways to talk about nothing!? Well, a lot of people who know me wouldn’t think this is such a feat. I’m a talker. I enjoy being “heard” and will often repeat myself and particularly, will repeat a funny story, numerous times until I get it “right”. My closest friends have to prepare them selves for repetition at parties and events, as I usually come prepared with my “latest gem” to share and if you are the first person to run into me, you’ll probably hear the same story two to three times, in various incarnations, as people flitter in and out of the social circle that surrounds me. I love communication.
There is something beautiful and magical about writing a blog. These words will be read, and so often what I wrote or deemed important enough to write in the past, wasn’t read unless by a peeping tom in my journal (or the rare drunken “diary readings” that happened in the Michigander). There is a feeling of fire and electricity, knowing that someone is actually reading these mundane and fleeting thoughts and ideas. It’s empowering and self-gratifying to check in and see my “stats” and find new comments and new followers. I feel like my crafting of words is becoming more ambitious and less checked. It has been wonderful to share and connect with others regarding my thoughts and feelings in ways that were more superficial a year ago, prior to my 100 blog posts.
There is also something scary and permanent about writing a blog. These words WILL be read, and so often those thoughts and words that probably should be pinned closer to my chest becomes public information. That people will FEEL closer to me through this medium than perhaps I am aware… and willing… to be. There is danger and fear that I will and are saying things out of turn, that people will be offended and hurt by my powerful words. That there will be an untrue conception regarding me, due to an oversharing slip of the tongue. It’s frightening to run into people, that a year ago were distant connections, that recite something I wrote and suddenly I’m expected to know them in such complete ways when it’s an obvious one way street. They know me. I have no idea who they are.
To be fair, a little of this phenomenon has already been present before my 100 blog posts. I am not one for screens or filters. I have always been a tad of an “over sharer”… well not even a tad… I get high off of watching people react to more scandalous over sharing stories. I love watching the milliseconds before they reconstruct themselves back to the person they want to be, rather than the judgmental people we innately are. In the past, as I was constructing Tricia (particularly in high school) I would create stories to shock in order to watch this process. Creating false memories that I would pass around like candy and watch people eat up with gusto.
This process of oversharing also provides me with some amazing connections. People open up like lilies when you first open up yourself. I find that my giving of information that is scandalous, sometimes self deprecating, sometimes self effacing or shameful really allows a person to feel closer, more comfortable and at ease with me. If I make an off-color joke or remark, something dirty or in left field, I’ve created a wider space to play in. People relax in that situation. No need to worry about you putting your foot in mouth… that brunette girl that has to be the center of attention already has. There’s an inaudible sigh as I break the walls and ceiling of “conformity” with my scandalous behavior and the party can really begin with gusto.
These 100 posts are like these little moments at a party or gathering. These 100 posts are little beams of sunlight that hopefully open up your lilies. Hopefully, watching me fumble and make mistakes, rehash less forgiving diary entries and come to terms with my idiosyncrasies has allowed you to fumble, rehash and come to terms with yourself. I may have morning after questions and concerns about my actions the night before, but I truly try to never have regrets. This is the package I am, and I’m just happy you stuck around for the ride!
To Another 100!!!