Translation (spelling intact):
April 26 Warm
Today was a usuall boring day until Tammy (my sis) came to school to give my cello to me. All the boys fell over her! I’m her sis but no boy looks at me.
Almost 6th grade
We just went to Hollman & It is SOOOO neat We get our on locker and everything
My mom & Tina got in a fight. I relly care about her And I love her very much. I may not show it sometimes but I love her she’s not the type I usally like but she’s my sis I know I love her & I half too but If I didn’t half too I still would. Tina if I get murdered this page is for you
Tina I care. I always do. My love I can’t say in words. I may say that Tam is my fav, but my heart says it’s you. I care and your nice and If you tried you always will be. You’ll be something all the time for I love you. You say names at me but I know you don’t mean it. I love you.
I *heart* U
If you’ve kept up with my TBTs you have come across some mentions of my family. To catch the others up I have three older sisters: Terri (10 year older), Tammy (8 years older) and Tina (6 years older). They are technically half sisters but I was never raised to think of them as any different or that I was too different, although there are sometimes that I feel quite different indeed- but that may have more to do with age than anything.
Tammy (the one who brought my cello to school that day) is blonde, blue eyed, tall and thinner. She also has a more sweet disposition, tends to find the positive and lighter side of situations, and believes the best in people. She was more protective of me. She was more apt to let me hang out in her room, or watch her do her hair in the bathroom, and her boyfriends would play board games with me. Comparing her to Tina or Terri is kind of comparing night and day.
Tina and Terri get clumped together a lot (which neither really enjoy- we all want to be individuals I guess). But they have some similarities. They look more alike than Tammy and I to them (although I look nothing really like any of them- too much Dad in me). They have similar dispositions, although Terri is more sensitive and in tune to other’s feelings. Terri, was weighed down by being the oldest and there is a kind of distance with her, a detachment. She was much older when our mom left their “biological sperm donor” (as Tina calls him) and has more memories of the times that led to my mom leaving her first husband. Terri also didn’t adapt to Roger (my dad) as well as Tammy did, and I think Tina took Terri’s lead and the anti-Roger contingent was born. (Not that my father was totally awesome- Read here for more on my dad).
Tina. Well, Tina and I had to share a bedroom for most of my childhood. Tina loathed me. She would drag me by my hair, throw things at me, chase me with knifes and spook me with stories of Freddie Krueger right before bed singing “One. Two. Freddie’s coming for you…” She also defended me to others that taunted me and would comfort me when Dad was being a dick, or Mom was being passive aggressive, or one of my many “friends” were treating me like crap.
Our family dynamic is kind of in flux right now. As we are aging, and my nieces and nephews are now entering college age (whew) and COULD be reading this right now (mind-spolsion!); what my sisters mean to me and what I mean to them and what we all mean to our parents are changing. It is interesting to look back at how much we have changed since I was the 10 year old girl that hated and loved my sister. It’s even more interesting to see how much it hasn’t changed. How much we depended and depend on each other to create normalcy, how vital the small things were and are, how strong and sometimes weak we were and still continue to be.
I am thankful I have my sisters, they’ve taught me how to live according to my own rules and desires, never expected me to be anything different than I needed to be. They let me be and explore on my own, but were there to give answers or just an ear when shit hit the fan. We have distance more times than not, and can see each other on other river shores and sometimes we judge (unfairly) the situations that we are each in. We, however, bridge these differences with love and compassion and an understanding that through it all we are blood, we are family, we are sisters.